Post by shawnwarstein on Nov 20, 2022 23:09:14 GMT -5
It’s a normal afternoon in the Suburbs of Miami. The sounds of clanking and cussing fill the air. The hood of a 2021 Lincoln Navigator is propped open and a pair of legs is all that you can see from the side of the truck.
“Sunofva…” A loud clanging noise reverberates as the man shoots his head upwards. Bashing the top of his head on the hood of the truck. “Mother Fuc——-”
From the other side of the driveway Kasey Vex shakes her head. She walks calmly up to the front of the truck and leans her head in. “Shawn, you really should leave things like this to the professionals.”
Shawn pulls himself out of the engine compartment. “Professional Shmo-fessional. Anyone can do what those clowns claim they can do. Like everyone knows, it’s cheaper to do your own oil changes.”
“Shawn, I love you, but you’re out of your depth here.” Kasey lovingly pats Shawn on the shoulder. “If you’re changing the oil, then why are you working on the top of the engine?”
Shawn looks at her, then back at the engine and once more back at her. “Well well well, since when did you become a car chick? Next you’re going to tell me that the Flux Capacitor is broken.”
“Well, it’s not real. That much I do know.” Kasey picks up a socket driver and spins it in her hand. Shawn once again does a double take between her and the engine.
“Wait…. So you’re telling me…” Shawn pauses for a moment and is interrupted by Kasey.
“Yes. Movies are fake. Especially ones that involve time travel. Now come with me inside and we can find a good repair shop for your truck.” She grabs Shawn by the hand and begins to lead him towards the house. Shawn reluctantly agrees and follows her without further question. However in his hand is a cobble of wires.
“I don’t think I needed to take this out.” Shawn shrugs and tosses the pile of wires to the ground.
“Probably not dear. Pretty sure that voids the warranty.” Kasey said while smiling and leading the way to the house.
It’s not an overly extravagant house. In not an over extravagant neighborhood. It’s a standard house with a few bedrooms and a decent view of a beach from the kitchen.
Shawn promptly sits down at the kitchen table and stares aimlessly at the beach. Kasey disappears into the kitchen and returns quickly with two coffee cups. She places one down in front of Shawn and takes a seat next to him and joins him in the aimless stare.
Shawn glances down and grabs his coffee cup. “Three...”
“Three sugars. Cream. A dash of cinnamon. One Ice Cube.” Kasey interjects without missing a beat. “I’ve made it once or twice for you.”
“Yes you have.” Shawn takes a sip of his coffee, smiles and looks towards Kasey. “Do you remember the first time you made me coffee?”
“I do.” Kasey nods.
“I have a small confession to make.” Shawn takes a deep breath as a minor look of worry falls on Kasey’s face.
“What’s that?” She said before taking a sip of her coffee.
“The first time you made me coffee…” A brief pause from Shawn. “It was absolutely horrible.”
Kasey quickly slaps Shawn on the arm. “It wasn’t that bad and you know it.”
“One sugar?! Who really only puts one sugar in? At that point you might as well just make it black. And barely a dash of milk. I’m telling you love, it was a train wreck.”
“Well you drank it didn’t you?” Kasey said while wobbling her head.
“Yeah.” Shawn glances down at the cup in his hand. “I also didn’t want to ruin what was a good night by not drinking it. I had those butterflies in my stomach with you. Like from the first time I saw you. I wasn’t about to allow all of this to possibly go away over a mi or cup of coffee.”
“Nice save.” Kasey rolls her eyes. “Well what about the first thing you said to me on our first date.”
“Oh… hold on. Give me a second.” Shawn drums his fingers over his chin and closes his eyes. It’s almost as if he went back to the moment.
Shawn asked her out right before the Fourth of July. He was hidden away in his secluded Mexican Bungalow. She was coming from Miami on a flight. He drove right to the airport and waited for what seemed like days, but was in reality only a few hours, for her flight to land.
Once he laid eyes on her, his heart skipped a beat. Her long flowing red hair whipped in the air. She smiled as she walked out into the waiting area and saw Shawn. He couldn’t help himself, he did what he always did when he felt there needed to be tension broken. He looked her up and down and smiled.
“I remember now.” Shawn grabs Kasey by the hand and stands up, pulling her with him. He holds her tight as they both look out to the beach. Shawn leans down and begins to whisper in her ear. “I believe the first words I said to you were.” Shawn takes a deep breath and leans in just an inch closer. “Nice Tits.”
“Oh shit!” Kasey begins to laugh. “That’s right! Oh my god. I forgot all about getting off of the plane! Holy shit you were a sleazeball.”
“Admit it. That’s the moment you fell in love with me. It’s okay to say it now.” Shawn leans away from Kasey as she’s still trying to compose herself.
Kasey clears her throat after stopping herself from laughing. “No Shawn. That wasn’t the part that made me fall for you.”
“Well I’m not going to lie. Your tits were a big factor in my decision.” Shawn is immediately slapped on the chest. “What?!? It’s not THE reason, but they are an awesome addendum.”
“I know you’re capable of being serious. Hell that’s how you were when we first met… before the Tits comment.” Kasey looks Shawn right in the eyes. “Now tell me. When did you fall for me?”
Shawn pauses for a moment. “I dunno Kase. It wasn’t just one thing that made me love you. It was everything. I wish I could point to one exact moment but I can’t. It’s the way you kiss me on the cheek in the morning. Or the way you make me a cup of coffee. Or how you know my past and see it for what it is. The past.” Shawn pauses for a moment before continuing. “If I could properly show you how much you mean to me, there just isn’t enough time in the day. There aren’t enough stars in the sky to calculate how much I love you.”
“Well that’s something.” Kasey said while blushing.
“I love that you don’t always laugh at my horrible jokes and tell me they are horrible. How you are always the first person to check on me when I’m in one of my moods. I love that you love me. That’s why whenever I’m asked, ‘What are you thankful for’, I have to change it to, Who are you thankful for.” Shawn breaks the fourth wall and winks towards the camera before looking back at Kasey. “It’s you. It’s always been you. I’ve done some fucked up shit. I’ve broken friendships. I’ve shown no mercy to people, and yet there you are. Right by my side. Ready to celebrate with me when we win, and there to wipe the blood from my head when I lose. Kasey you are my everything.”
“Hold up just a minute.” Kasey looks at Shawn, then breaks the fourth wall herself. “Look. Are you really doing this right now?”
“Doing what?” A puzzled Shawn looks at the camera and shrugs.
“This.” Kasey mocks Shawn and shrugs herself. “Don’t play dumb with me. If you’re going to do this right now, at least go outside so I can enjoy the view without any distractions.”
Shawn slumps his shoulders. “fine.” He mumbles. “I still love you.”
“Yes. I love you too. Just do that outside please. I don’t want the neighbors thinking you’re hurting me in here when you get loud.” Kasey waves Shawn away with the back of her hand.
“It’s an AirBnB anyways. But yeah, have me do it outside so they think I’m the crazy one.” Shawn blows Kasey a kiss with his hand.
“Don’t do anything stupid out there.” With a massive eyeroll Kasey turns back to the beach view.
“You know me.” Shawn said as he opened the door.
“That’s why I said it.” Kasey shakes her head and puts the coffee cup to her lips as Shawn walks outside and shuts the door behind him.
Shawn walks through the garage and picks up the wire harness from earlier. He tosses it playfully in the air while approaching the Navigator. He tosses it into the engine compartment and spins towards the camera.
“BLAMMO!”
“And just like that you all got a quick peek into my personal life. I must say it’s nice to not always be so doom and gloom all the time. Or at the throat of someone else. Sometimes I just want to sit down play some Marvel Snap, #NotSponsored, and drink some coffee. Maybe have the love of my life there with me too. Is that too much to ask for?” Shawn looks at the camera with a look of ‘Really’ before continuing.
“Why is it that in this industry we are always in some sort of strife? Why do our lives always have to be worse than an episode of Jersey Shore? When I’m away from home for more days than I’m at home, how come everyone expects it to be some sort of drama?”
“Maybe I just need to decompress. Maybe have a little adult time with my lady. Maybe not. Maybe we just eat junk food, get fat and watch The Great British Bake-Off. That’s why I’m so thankful for Kasey.” Just the mention of her name Shawn’s eyes light up.
“She doesn’t want any of that bullshit. She just wants to be her and do things her own way. I appreciate that more than anything she’s ever done for me. She’s also quick to call me out. Like this for example.” Shawn pats the Navigator.
“She didn’t know this was all for a bit. She just saw me doing something fucking dumb and called bullshit. Of course I know how to change the oil in a car. I’m not a fucking moron. However, that does lead me to the ‘prize’ for this week's show. You know The World Series of Wrestling. That one. The reason I’m standing right here talking at any of you.”
“If you look over all the resumes of everyone in this field they are all lacking a certain jena se qua. All of you know it. Everyone has their own flaws and they try their hardest to hide them. They are there.”
“Myself tho? Oh I’m in an entirely different bracket than most everyone in this thing. Vhodka herself can be quoted as saying. Ahem.” Shawn clears his throat. “If Warstein decides he wants something, you better watch out. End quote. The pride of white trash herself is on to something.”
“Fuck all of you should be thankful this whole ordeal wasn’t in ring based. If you think I’m motivated for this, y’all should see me when it gets physical. Not a single one of you would know what to do when you get into the ring with me. Instead we have to listen to all of you drone on and on about what ifs.”
“I don’t live in a world of what ifs. If I want something I get it. I don’t have to beg, cry or kiss ass to get what I want. My name alone brought legitimacy to this competition.”
“You’re Welcome.”
“I haven’t been out of the top ten in the overalls since the fucking thing started. Yet all of you think this is something you deserve. Wrongo. This competition has always been mine for the taking. I’ve allowed people like Allen to take the forefront, why? Because I knew eventually he’d crumble under the pressure. Or like everyone l’s favorite Kido. Someone who has traveled the same path I did. Except I did it first. I did it better. And I did it a decade ago.”
“So while all these people are telling why they deserve it.”
“I’m the only one that’s earned it. You put all of our skills to the test and I’m the only one who hasn’t pissed down their own leg at least once. I was the first person announced for this thing and I’m showing you why week in and week out.”
“Fuck the Saucy 16. If anyone deserves the One of One car as a prize… it’s the only ONE OF ONE wrestler in this competition. Do you get it yet? It’s me.”
“But Shawn, what do you need this car for? I hear you ask.”
“Well look at my Truck now. It’s broken. I could always use a super sweet, one of a kind, vehicle.” Shawn pauses for a moment. “Wait a second. I’ve already got one of those.”
Shawn reaches to his left and pulls a green screen down. Exposing Excellence. Betsy Granger’s very own Tardis that was made using a life size replica of Bill and Ted’s phone booth, that Shawn bought many moons ago.
“My very own Tardis. What you didn’t think Sister Mine left it to just anyone did you? No, of course not. It’s like a quarter mine anyways. When she comes back around I’ll gladly give it back to her, but right now… it’s all mine. Anywhere. Any time. Any galaxy. All at my fingertips. On a whim if I wanna go to 1600’s Europe. Boom, I'm there. If I want to go to my gravesite in the future. Boom, I'm there.”
“So what the fuck would I need that stupid fucking monstrosity of a truck for? That’s right I wouldn’t. So here allow me to show you exactly what I would do with that vehicle.”
Shawn dips out of the camera frame. For a brief second you can hear Kasey say ‘Already?’. Then a loud huff from her. The both of them come back into frame. Shawn with a smile and Kasey dragging a few bags behind her. She opens the door to Excellence and enters. After a few seconds Excellence whirs and begins to flash. Poof. Gone. Well not really gone just down to the end of the driveway. Kasey opens the door and throws Shawn a thumbs up. Shawn gleefully skips into the garage and comes out with a gas can and some matches.
“I heard this in a song somewhere.”
Shawn pours the gas all over the Navigator and stands behind it. He pulls out a match and strikes it against concrete. The flame lights as Shawn looks at the camera.
“I don’t need that truck. If I get it, this is the only thing it would be good for.”
Shawn tosses the match towards the truck. “Remember everyone. Never look back at the explosion. That’s what all the bad asses do in the movies.”
The Navigator quickly becomes engulfed in flames as Shawn walks, like a badass mind you, towards Excellence. As soon as the door to excellence shuts, Big Boom from the Navigator. Excellence begins to whir and light up. In the blink of an eye it was gone as the camera fades to black.
“Sunofva…” A loud clanging noise reverberates as the man shoots his head upwards. Bashing the top of his head on the hood of the truck. “Mother Fuc——-”
From the other side of the driveway Kasey Vex shakes her head. She walks calmly up to the front of the truck and leans her head in. “Shawn, you really should leave things like this to the professionals.”
Shawn pulls himself out of the engine compartment. “Professional Shmo-fessional. Anyone can do what those clowns claim they can do. Like everyone knows, it’s cheaper to do your own oil changes.”
“Shawn, I love you, but you’re out of your depth here.” Kasey lovingly pats Shawn on the shoulder. “If you’re changing the oil, then why are you working on the top of the engine?”
Shawn looks at her, then back at the engine and once more back at her. “Well well well, since when did you become a car chick? Next you’re going to tell me that the Flux Capacitor is broken.”
“Well, it’s not real. That much I do know.” Kasey picks up a socket driver and spins it in her hand. Shawn once again does a double take between her and the engine.
“Wait…. So you’re telling me…” Shawn pauses for a moment and is interrupted by Kasey.
“Yes. Movies are fake. Especially ones that involve time travel. Now come with me inside and we can find a good repair shop for your truck.” She grabs Shawn by the hand and begins to lead him towards the house. Shawn reluctantly agrees and follows her without further question. However in his hand is a cobble of wires.
“I don’t think I needed to take this out.” Shawn shrugs and tosses the pile of wires to the ground.
“Probably not dear. Pretty sure that voids the warranty.” Kasey said while smiling and leading the way to the house.
It’s not an overly extravagant house. In not an over extravagant neighborhood. It’s a standard house with a few bedrooms and a decent view of a beach from the kitchen.
Shawn promptly sits down at the kitchen table and stares aimlessly at the beach. Kasey disappears into the kitchen and returns quickly with two coffee cups. She places one down in front of Shawn and takes a seat next to him and joins him in the aimless stare.
Shawn glances down and grabs his coffee cup. “Three...”
“Three sugars. Cream. A dash of cinnamon. One Ice Cube.” Kasey interjects without missing a beat. “I’ve made it once or twice for you.”
“Yes you have.” Shawn takes a sip of his coffee, smiles and looks towards Kasey. “Do you remember the first time you made me coffee?”
“I do.” Kasey nods.
“I have a small confession to make.” Shawn takes a deep breath as a minor look of worry falls on Kasey’s face.
“What’s that?” She said before taking a sip of her coffee.
“The first time you made me coffee…” A brief pause from Shawn. “It was absolutely horrible.”
Kasey quickly slaps Shawn on the arm. “It wasn’t that bad and you know it.”
“One sugar?! Who really only puts one sugar in? At that point you might as well just make it black. And barely a dash of milk. I’m telling you love, it was a train wreck.”
“Well you drank it didn’t you?” Kasey said while wobbling her head.
“Yeah.” Shawn glances down at the cup in his hand. “I also didn’t want to ruin what was a good night by not drinking it. I had those butterflies in my stomach with you. Like from the first time I saw you. I wasn’t about to allow all of this to possibly go away over a mi or cup of coffee.”
“Nice save.” Kasey rolls her eyes. “Well what about the first thing you said to me on our first date.”
“Oh… hold on. Give me a second.” Shawn drums his fingers over his chin and closes his eyes. It’s almost as if he went back to the moment.
Shawn asked her out right before the Fourth of July. He was hidden away in his secluded Mexican Bungalow. She was coming from Miami on a flight. He drove right to the airport and waited for what seemed like days, but was in reality only a few hours, for her flight to land.
Once he laid eyes on her, his heart skipped a beat. Her long flowing red hair whipped in the air. She smiled as she walked out into the waiting area and saw Shawn. He couldn’t help himself, he did what he always did when he felt there needed to be tension broken. He looked her up and down and smiled.
“I remember now.” Shawn grabs Kasey by the hand and stands up, pulling her with him. He holds her tight as they both look out to the beach. Shawn leans down and begins to whisper in her ear. “I believe the first words I said to you were.” Shawn takes a deep breath and leans in just an inch closer. “Nice Tits.”
“Oh shit!” Kasey begins to laugh. “That’s right! Oh my god. I forgot all about getting off of the plane! Holy shit you were a sleazeball.”
“Admit it. That’s the moment you fell in love with me. It’s okay to say it now.” Shawn leans away from Kasey as she’s still trying to compose herself.
Kasey clears her throat after stopping herself from laughing. “No Shawn. That wasn’t the part that made me fall for you.”
“Well I’m not going to lie. Your tits were a big factor in my decision.” Shawn is immediately slapped on the chest. “What?!? It’s not THE reason, but they are an awesome addendum.”
“I know you’re capable of being serious. Hell that’s how you were when we first met… before the Tits comment.” Kasey looks Shawn right in the eyes. “Now tell me. When did you fall for me?”
Shawn pauses for a moment. “I dunno Kase. It wasn’t just one thing that made me love you. It was everything. I wish I could point to one exact moment but I can’t. It’s the way you kiss me on the cheek in the morning. Or the way you make me a cup of coffee. Or how you know my past and see it for what it is. The past.” Shawn pauses for a moment before continuing. “If I could properly show you how much you mean to me, there just isn’t enough time in the day. There aren’t enough stars in the sky to calculate how much I love you.”
“Well that’s something.” Kasey said while blushing.
“I love that you don’t always laugh at my horrible jokes and tell me they are horrible. How you are always the first person to check on me when I’m in one of my moods. I love that you love me. That’s why whenever I’m asked, ‘What are you thankful for’, I have to change it to, Who are you thankful for.” Shawn breaks the fourth wall and winks towards the camera before looking back at Kasey. “It’s you. It’s always been you. I’ve done some fucked up shit. I’ve broken friendships. I’ve shown no mercy to people, and yet there you are. Right by my side. Ready to celebrate with me when we win, and there to wipe the blood from my head when I lose. Kasey you are my everything.”
“Hold up just a minute.” Kasey looks at Shawn, then breaks the fourth wall herself. “Look. Are you really doing this right now?”
“Doing what?” A puzzled Shawn looks at the camera and shrugs.
“This.” Kasey mocks Shawn and shrugs herself. “Don’t play dumb with me. If you’re going to do this right now, at least go outside so I can enjoy the view without any distractions.”
Shawn slumps his shoulders. “fine.” He mumbles. “I still love you.”
“Yes. I love you too. Just do that outside please. I don’t want the neighbors thinking you’re hurting me in here when you get loud.” Kasey waves Shawn away with the back of her hand.
“It’s an AirBnB anyways. But yeah, have me do it outside so they think I’m the crazy one.” Shawn blows Kasey a kiss with his hand.
“Don’t do anything stupid out there.” With a massive eyeroll Kasey turns back to the beach view.
“You know me.” Shawn said as he opened the door.
“That’s why I said it.” Kasey shakes her head and puts the coffee cup to her lips as Shawn walks outside and shuts the door behind him.
Shawn walks through the garage and picks up the wire harness from earlier. He tosses it playfully in the air while approaching the Navigator. He tosses it into the engine compartment and spins towards the camera.
“BLAMMO!”
“And just like that you all got a quick peek into my personal life. I must say it’s nice to not always be so doom and gloom all the time. Or at the throat of someone else. Sometimes I just want to sit down play some Marvel Snap, #NotSponsored, and drink some coffee. Maybe have the love of my life there with me too. Is that too much to ask for?” Shawn looks at the camera with a look of ‘Really’ before continuing.
“Why is it that in this industry we are always in some sort of strife? Why do our lives always have to be worse than an episode of Jersey Shore? When I’m away from home for more days than I’m at home, how come everyone expects it to be some sort of drama?”
“Maybe I just need to decompress. Maybe have a little adult time with my lady. Maybe not. Maybe we just eat junk food, get fat and watch The Great British Bake-Off. That’s why I’m so thankful for Kasey.” Just the mention of her name Shawn’s eyes light up.
“She doesn’t want any of that bullshit. She just wants to be her and do things her own way. I appreciate that more than anything she’s ever done for me. She’s also quick to call me out. Like this for example.” Shawn pats the Navigator.
“She didn’t know this was all for a bit. She just saw me doing something fucking dumb and called bullshit. Of course I know how to change the oil in a car. I’m not a fucking moron. However, that does lead me to the ‘prize’ for this week's show. You know The World Series of Wrestling. That one. The reason I’m standing right here talking at any of you.”
“If you look over all the resumes of everyone in this field they are all lacking a certain jena se qua. All of you know it. Everyone has their own flaws and they try their hardest to hide them. They are there.”
“Myself tho? Oh I’m in an entirely different bracket than most everyone in this thing. Vhodka herself can be quoted as saying. Ahem.” Shawn clears his throat. “If Warstein decides he wants something, you better watch out. End quote. The pride of white trash herself is on to something.”
“Fuck all of you should be thankful this whole ordeal wasn’t in ring based. If you think I’m motivated for this, y’all should see me when it gets physical. Not a single one of you would know what to do when you get into the ring with me. Instead we have to listen to all of you drone on and on about what ifs.”
“I don’t live in a world of what ifs. If I want something I get it. I don’t have to beg, cry or kiss ass to get what I want. My name alone brought legitimacy to this competition.”
“You’re Welcome.”
“I haven’t been out of the top ten in the overalls since the fucking thing started. Yet all of you think this is something you deserve. Wrongo. This competition has always been mine for the taking. I’ve allowed people like Allen to take the forefront, why? Because I knew eventually he’d crumble under the pressure. Or like everyone l’s favorite Kido. Someone who has traveled the same path I did. Except I did it first. I did it better. And I did it a decade ago.”
“So while all these people are telling why they deserve it.”
“I’m the only one that’s earned it. You put all of our skills to the test and I’m the only one who hasn’t pissed down their own leg at least once. I was the first person announced for this thing and I’m showing you why week in and week out.”
“Fuck the Saucy 16. If anyone deserves the One of One car as a prize… it’s the only ONE OF ONE wrestler in this competition. Do you get it yet? It’s me.”
“But Shawn, what do you need this car for? I hear you ask.”
“Well look at my Truck now. It’s broken. I could always use a super sweet, one of a kind, vehicle.” Shawn pauses for a moment. “Wait a second. I’ve already got one of those.”
Shawn reaches to his left and pulls a green screen down. Exposing Excellence. Betsy Granger’s very own Tardis that was made using a life size replica of Bill and Ted’s phone booth, that Shawn bought many moons ago.
“My very own Tardis. What you didn’t think Sister Mine left it to just anyone did you? No, of course not. It’s like a quarter mine anyways. When she comes back around I’ll gladly give it back to her, but right now… it’s all mine. Anywhere. Any time. Any galaxy. All at my fingertips. On a whim if I wanna go to 1600’s Europe. Boom, I'm there. If I want to go to my gravesite in the future. Boom, I'm there.”
“So what the fuck would I need that stupid fucking monstrosity of a truck for? That’s right I wouldn’t. So here allow me to show you exactly what I would do with that vehicle.”
Shawn dips out of the camera frame. For a brief second you can hear Kasey say ‘Already?’. Then a loud huff from her. The both of them come back into frame. Shawn with a smile and Kasey dragging a few bags behind her. She opens the door to Excellence and enters. After a few seconds Excellence whirs and begins to flash. Poof. Gone. Well not really gone just down to the end of the driveway. Kasey opens the door and throws Shawn a thumbs up. Shawn gleefully skips into the garage and comes out with a gas can and some matches.
“I heard this in a song somewhere.”
Shawn pours the gas all over the Navigator and stands behind it. He pulls out a match and strikes it against concrete. The flame lights as Shawn looks at the camera.
“I don’t need that truck. If I get it, this is the only thing it would be good for.”
Shawn tosses the match towards the truck. “Remember everyone. Never look back at the explosion. That’s what all the bad asses do in the movies.”
The Navigator quickly becomes engulfed in flames as Shawn walks, like a badass mind you, towards Excellence. As soon as the door to excellence shuts, Big Boom from the Navigator. Excellence begins to whir and light up. In the blink of an eye it was gone as the camera fades to black.