Post by High Octane™ Dane F'n Preston on Oct 22, 2022 22:52:47 GMT -5
We flew in a few days ahead of the World Series of Wrestling event. Both Allison and Bella had to handle some business stuff with their Velvet Rabbit Las Vegas counterparts and Candice ‘VooDoo’ Wolf-Page, before we took Sin City by storm. It was a homecoming of sorts for Allie as she and her parents lived in Vegas when she was in elementary school, so we planned on taking full advantage of every moment here. But as the old saying goes, business before pleasure, and it was my turn to take care of business.
Just like its sister location in New York City, the Las Vegas Velvet Rabbit boasted a Venue of its very own, only much larger than its predecessor. This is where the World Series of Wrestling soundstage had been set up for the event. I walked into The Venue with my lovely ladies on each of my arms, all three of us dressed to the nines. A crew member gestured for the ladies to have a seat off to the side of the judges before walking up and extending a microphone to me.
“I’ll take that, thank you very much…”
I quipped as I playfully snatched the mic, I smiled and nodded my thanks to the crew member. I’m not that big an asshole, not unless you actually deserve it. I looked up at the panel of judges to see The Sauce Boss - the brains behind World Series of Wrestling, Larry Tact from Level Up and Theo Pryce from XWF.
“Dane Preston; if you could fight anyone, alive or dead, real or fictional, on camera or off, who would you fight and what would you say to them? Take your time.”
I scratched at my beard as I contemplated my response. After about fifteen minutes, I raise the mic to give my answer.
“I know this is one of those questions where you’re all trying to do a deep dive into the psyche of each contestant. And while I very well could have chosen to pluck someone responsible for one of the countless atrocities committed throughout human history to bludgeon half to death, I thought I’d lighten the mood of this particular event and go a different route. See, I’ve been accused of taking myself too seriously. Hell, even Vincent and Vhodka Black like to call me beige and boring and shit like that. But coming from two over-caffeinated squirrels cosplaying as human beings, I don’t pay too much mind to the two of them busting my balls.”
“Suffice it to say, I put a lot of thought into my chosen subject, and how they relate to me directly as a person. You have no idea HOW GODSDAMNED LONG I’ve been waiting to say this; CHRIS HEMSWORTH! I am so sick and tired of hearing about how much I look like this Hollywood pretty boy. With all his rippling muscles and his Aussie charm and witty humor…the f**ker reminds me a lot of Aiden Reynolds…”
This drew some chuckles from the judges, as I paused to gather my thoughts.
“Truth be told, I’m a really big fan of Chris Hemsworth, so I’d have some fun with him, trash talking and taking my time with him in the ring. I’d tell him the wrestling business is only big enough for one of our handsome faces, specifically MY face, and then I’d take the kid gloves off and work him over a bit. While I suppose there are worse things in life than being compared to one of Hollywood’s leading men, it’s an absolute downer when it happens so often. I get people coming up asking me if I’m a long lost Hemsworth brother. So, allow me to put that shit to bed here and now. First, I’m WAY better looking than all three of the Hemsworth brothers combined. Secondly, Chris likes to fancy himself a badass on screen, while I’ve been beating people up since I was in HIGH SCHOOL.”
“Having said that, I’d absolutely be lying if I said that my resemblance to Chris Hemsworth had no influence on the success of my career. I can’t remember the guy’s name, but there was a wrestler whose career launched on the fact that was a spitting image of Jean Claude Van Damme, and he was a Whole F’n Show all by his lonesome. An incredibly talented ring general in his own right. But, it’s both a blessing and a curse to be compared to someone else, based solely on looks. However, I do have to give credit where it’s due, I might not be in the position I’m in today were it not for the uncanny resemblance. But that doesn’t mean that I gotta LIKE it!”
“Now, I’m sure you're all wondering, would I REALLY like to fight Chris Hemsworth JUST because of our resemblance? Yes and no. There’s a bit more to it. I understand that Hemsworth has even landed himself a role as a wrestler in a movie. He’s even going so far as to pretend to be one of us. Hell, I’d love to have Chris come on down to Church so I can put him through the paces inside the ring and see what he’s got. I doubt he’d last two minutes in the ring with me or anyone else in my family. Though I’m sure Ani would be more than happy to break, f**k and chuck him when she was done with him, but I digress. If this showdown were to become a reality, it would have to be filmed. Use it as a teaser for his upcoming movie, Hell add it to the special features when the Bluray hits stores. The point is that it would absolutely have to be documented and shared for all the world to see.”
“They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but why take the second best option to portray someone from OUR world, when you could have yours truly do it right and look a million times better while doing so. He’s already done Extraction, it makes me think that Chris has a man inside the Phoenix Squad. Oh, for those who don’t know what the Phoenix Squad is, let’s just say I dabble in black ops from time to time. And NOW he’s doing a wrestling movie. What’s next, is he gonna be a PROMISING MMA FIGHTER WHOSE CAREER IS CUT SHORT WHEN HE GOES TO PRISON?!? I swear, you can’t make this s**t up!”
“But if Chris Hemsworth thinks he’s going to parade around the Silver Screen pretending to be one of us without actually stepping into the ring with one of us, he’s sadly mistaken. Does this mean I’m going to beat him silly? Absolutely not, he plays a silly God on screen enough as it is without my help. One could argue that I’m doing myself no favors as pertains to how Tinseltown’s muckety mucks would like seeing one of their biggest meal tickets in decades get put through the ringer. But what do I care about what they think anyway? It’s not like I’d be auditioning for a damn movie role or anything. Consider it more a matter of me doing my duty to protect our business and its interests, and having a little fun along the way. Besides, I think it’d be great cross promotion for both industries, wouldn’t you all agree?”
Lifting my hand up, I signal to the crew member that I’ve finished so he can collect my microphone before I walk over to collect my ladies for a night out on the Sunset Strip.